O Fair Senpai
by KatyLiz10
Summary: Tobi, a "knight," tries to rescue Prince(ss) Deidara. COMPLETELY AU. Rated M for swearing and future tit-jokes.


Once upon a time, there was a fair prince known to all - well, almost all - as Deidara of Iwa Manor. Although he was known for many things, he was most reputed for his luscious blond hair and magnificent sculptures. Deidara's mastery of clay moulding earned him countless awards and ribbons and even his own section in the Earth Kingdom's Art Museum.

In spite and in envy, his Danna locked him away from the world, at the top of the mighty Hiruko Castle. Upon his deathbed, Danna requested that the prince's castle be kept under the strictest protection. And, by his dead master's wishes, Deidara would never see the light of day ever again. However, this would soon change by one "knight's" determination...and severe lack of directional sense.

* * *

One morning, a simple peasant was strolling through his cornfields, when he came upon an old, dirt-matted helmet. Picking it up gently, the peasant inspected it further.

"The rust makes it look orange," he observed. "Orange is Tobi's favourite colour!" With such reasoning, he plopped the helmet upon his head. "Now, all Tobi needs is a horsey and a princess! Yay!" His cheery, high-pitched voice rung throughout the cornfields.

Tobi merrily skipped to his stable, where his nine-tailed pet lay in slumber. "C'mon, horsey," Tobi nudged the sleeping fox. Grumbling softly, it awoke and glared at its owner. "Hey there, sleepy head," Tobi cooed childishly, "we have adventures to do!"

Stretching its legs, the abnormally-large fox sighed. He would have to go, one way or another._ No need to waste my energy fighting back,_ it reasoned. With this in mind, he limbered out of his pen and gestured his muzzle towards a saddle hanging on the wall.

"Oh, Kurama," Tobi exclaimed in delight, "Such a good horsey!" Then, to Kurama's not-so-subtle disdain, Tobi harshly patted the former's head.

"Here," The giddy owner placed the saddle upon the fox's back. Just as he was about to climb atop his "steed", a small white puppy ran into the stable and barked cheerily. Tobi flinched.

"Zetsu-san! What're you doing here?" Tobi, with hands on his hips, scolded the energetic puppy. "You should be at home, mister!" Zetsu's mismatched eyes stared pleading at his owner. "Does Zetsu-san wanna come along? Does my little Zetsu-san wanna go on an adventure?"

The dog's ears perked up and his tail wagged giddily. Tobi knelt to the floor and petted the pup's noggin. "Tobi's sorry, Zetsu-san. Tobi's adventure is a bit too dangerous for a little puppy like you." Turning to Kurama, the helmet-ed man arose.

_Goddamnit, you bipedal fuckwad!_ Kurama growled at Tobi, _Why the fuck would you take away my one decent company?_ He sighed with dismay._ I'm fucked over._ Kurama snapped out of his stupor when Tobi attempted to mount him. In fright, the fox bucked up.

"Whoa, horsey!" Tobi shrieked, "Easy, girl. Easy." Kurama felt his temper rise, anger flaring within him.

_How dare you,_ he hissed, how fucking dare you. He exhaled heavily, turning towards Tobi once more. Tobi, however, was faced towards the dejected dog.

"Tobi's sorry, Zetsu-san," The former cooed softly, "but he and Horsey need to go rescue a princess!" Tobi petted the pup's head once more before kicking Kurama to make said "horsey" go. Reluctantly, Kurama began to amble forward, slow at first.

_Urgh, indolent human,_ _Kurama thought, how the fuck are you so heavy?_ Gradually, though, the fox picked up speed.

* * *

Staring at his crinkled map, Tobi outlined their travel route. Kurama shook his head in pity.

_The poor fool is holding the map upside-down!_

* * *

After an hour or so of aimless wandering, the two companions neared a large stone fortress. Its walls loomed menacingly over the duo, sending chills up their spines.

"Hey, Horsey," Tobi inquired, "is this where Princess Rin is?" Kurama skidded to a halt, turning his head to his owner.

_You don't fucking know?!_ The fox's blood boiled. _How the-_ His thoughts came to an abrupt end when a piece of the stone château crumpled to the ground. Moments later, a slightly-amused voice run through the newly-formed cracks.

"Oops, un."

* * *

**A/N:** Howdy! I've been developing this idea for a while now...glad to execute it! To clarify, the beginning is supposed to be a prelude of sorts, explaining a bit of the background. I may or may not include mini "flashbacks" like so in further chapters.


End file.
